With the constant stream of messaging from all angles, including our governing body, the Law Society of Ontario, on how to achieve the elusive “work-life balance”, draw your boundaries and protect your mental health, it’s time I weigh in.

I’ve been a lawyer for 32 years and a mother for 23. I think I know everything and have all the answers, which consist of this. I know nothing and there are no answers. We are all literally just trying to survive.

Here is my Advice. Ignore everybody. Do whatever you want, what feels right, what you can afford to do, what works for you, and stop caring what anybody thinks. It doesn’t matter what you do, somebody out there is gonna judge you for it and you cannot afford to care about that or them.

You got a job to do and that’s getting through each day, kids alive, work sort of done, not getting disbarred. Set your expectations of yourself low enough that you can meet them and find some joy in as many days as humanly possible.

Not every day is gonna yield hilarity or levity even, not every day will feel rewarding but if on balance, overall you are fulfilled and content, that’s all you can ever hope for.

Just as a for instance, you hear a lot of talk about how you gotta compartmentalize work and family. When you’re at work it’s all in on that and don’t bring it home with you. Like the Network series Severance.

Maybe that’s a good idea, say if your lawyer work is about hydro lines underground or stock market take overs or whatever but if your work is criminal defence or any type of human law, you can totally start telling your kids about the stories when they’re quite young. In an age-appropriate way of course – “Mom is helping a fellow who did a bad thing when he was very unwell and so it wasn’t his fault but we gotta make sure it doesn’t happen again” kind of thing.

Also kids must make core memories and we want them to be good ones. Doesn’t mean it all has to be separate from who you are as a lawyer. Both my kids have amazing stories they love to tell their friends about coming to Court with me when they were younger. A deep understanding of my professional life has led both to studies and careers in helping professions working with vulnerable populations. Bringing them along and including them in my work has not damaged them – it has made them better young adults.

I could go on about this stuff forever and hope to do so as I have been given a rare and truly appreciated opportunity to contribute a chapter about raising young adults while lawyering away. I am super excited to write up the last number of years, which have been incredibly challenging. Minimally, it will be cathartic to get it all out onto paper, and best case scenario it will resonate with others, and offer some solace or solidarity or both. Either way, it’s humbling and I’m grateful to be asked to say something about being a Mother. Nobody’s ever really asked this of me before, which tells you how I’m viewed.

But this long weekend Sunday I was just reflecting on the week behind us now. Mostly rainy and grey here in dowtown TO.

On Tuesday I appeared in the Court of Appeal on an important, novel case – I lost.

Happens. A LOT. That is OK – I tried my best.

Sure, winning is better, but I learn a lot from losing too. Losing is very important for a host of reasons – teaches you resilience and also teaches you that losing doesn’t mean you suck. What I have learned is some of my best work end up a bust. There’s no justice in the world -well, that’s very tongue in cheek of course. Some losses are deserved, many may not feel like it, at least at the time. But that’s not the point.

You leave it all in that Courtroom and you’ve done all you can. That feeling is worth its weight in gold – win or lose. Though I repeat. Winning IS best.

Perhaps parenthetically almost exactly one year ago I reached a milestone of 200 reported cases in the Court of Appeal for Ontario. The real number is higher as many endorsements are unreported, but the point here is I am privileged to have a tonne of opportunities to lose – and rarely, blessedly, win. In fact, as of today — a year later, 236 such reported appellate cases — including 220 in the ONCA alone!

I went from there to a work lunch where we celebrated my legal assistant of 20 years and my family joined us. That’s because the kids came to work a lot and my assistant helped to raise them – they think of her as Auntie Leanne, closest thing to their godmother. Work and Life Blend, and that is OK!!

Here is more about that beautiful celebration:

Saturday my daughter and I went to a Jays home game on Barbie Day at the Dome in lieu of our traditional annual Mother’s Day home game. Baseball is our family’s thing. It has served us well.

I didn’t plan the week so it “balances” itself. It just did it.

And it was perfect.

They grow up but they don’t forget the whole growing up with a working Mom period. They carry it with them and it makes for great memories that last a lifetime. Never feel guilt over showing them how you make the world a better place — they’re watching closely and what they’re taking away is that that they can do it too!!